You were angry, and agitated. I didn't want to make it worse. It was a conversation that should have been in private, I don't see how that's so difficult to understand.
[ tighnari sighs, rubbing at his stinging eyes, and moves to empty his watering can. his voice is low, soft, tired. ]
How is it that I don't trust you? I haven't kept anything from you, Tighnari. You know everything.
[ Cyno frowns at him, he wants to pull him close but something is holding him back, like they wouldn't actually be able to get to the bottom of anything if he goes to comfort him now.
Maybe he doesn't show the same signs of his emotional distress. His eyes don't have any signs of the ache he feels. He doesn't have such expressive ears or a tail to give him away.
But the distress is there, frustration, anger, hurt. Maybe creeping guilt that he isn't ready to acknowledge yet. ]
If you trusted me, you wouldn't care who I've been with in the past, because you would trust that I'm wholly dedicated to you. You would understand that it shouldn't matter. Why would you be jealous, unless you perceived them as a threat? Why would you be jealous, if you trusted me to never betray you?
[ carefully, he pours the excess water into the sink, if only to have something to do with his hands, to keep from dissolving into tears. ]
Even if you'd been with others before me, it wouldn't matter to me, because I trust you. I love you. I know that none of them would matter.
[ Cyno says sharply because his throat feels a little tight but he hadn't meant for it to come out so sharp either. ]
I love you, Tighnari. I trust you. That and needing to know don't negate each other. I trust very few. Here, there is only you and Collei that I trust completely.
[ Cyno is starting to see that this argument is going to go no where. He can't remember a time with Tighnari where he didn't feel understood. He swallows down the first responses that come to mind, taking time before he finally gives a measured response. ]
[ he hates that he can't control the tears that stream down his cheeks, no matter how he swipes and scrubs at them, they continue to stream. but he won't let cyno run away from this. it's like they're speaking two different languages, and tighnari doesn't know how to begin addressing this wound between them. ]
Cyno.. please.
[ tighnari crosses the distance, takes hold of cyno's hoodie, buries his face against his shoulder. ]
[ Tighnari crying doesn't help his instinct to shutter his own feelings. He exhales when Tighnari comes close and he wraps his arms around him, holding him close. One hand rubs his back as the other buries into his hair. He swallows heavily. ]
[ he knows what cyno's doing, that he's pulling back, and tighnari won't allow that, won't let him just slip away. burying things is unhealthy, and that's not who they are. it will only cause the wound to fester, and erupt at a later date, with far more force than it currently would. tighnari takes a deep breath, inhaling cyno's scent, allowing it to comfort him. his voice is softer. ]
It's hard not to feel you don't trust me when you accused me of wanting others to touch me. Do you believe me when I tell you that there's no one I care for like I care for you?
[ this is exactly why he wanted to have this conversation sober, so cyno would be lucid enough - both of them lucid enough - to deal with a subject like this. now it's spiraled.
but they'll salvage it. they must. cyno is his mate, there is no one else for him. lifting his head at last, tighnari sniffs, looking into cyno's face. ]
[ cyno is giving some real mixed signals here, but tighnari is determined to fix this, to heal this wound, though he thinks they're already on the way. ]
Well.. that's up to him, really, isn't it? Not me.
[ he lifts a hand, smoothing the hair back from cyno's eyes, tucking it behind one of his ears. ]
[ tighnari's hands in cyno's hoodie loosen, and he lifts them to bracket cyno's face, cradling his jaw in both padded palms, his thumbs smoothing over cyno's cheeks. pulling him in, he presses a soft kiss to his lips, then another. ]
You're my mate. Of course I don't want to share you. I'm capable of jealousy, as well.
[ Cyno exhales and Tighnari's touch soothes him so much. He leans into it, closing his eyes once more as Tighnari kisses him once, then again. Cyno kisses him once more after that before he lets their noses nudge together and then nuzzles Tighnari. ]
[ it feels like he can breathe again at last, and tighnari allows some of his weight to sag against cyno's chest, his eyes dropping closed for a moment. and then.. he's chuckling, the sound a little heavy and dry. ]
[ tighnari wouldn't love the idea of often coming face to face with someone that cyno's slept with, even if it wouldn't get under his skin too badly, but he can understand, to a degree. slipping his arms over cyno's shoulders, tighnari smiles, nudging their noses together again. ]
I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, General Mahamatra.
[ Cyno definitely is not asking to sleep with Kaveh. Just a kiss!!! Tighnari. And Cyno's definitely going to have to forever know Tighnari and Kaveh slept together.
He squeezes his arms around Tighnari, flushing a little. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 02:43 am (UTC)I wanted to talk at home. Sober. You were a mess, last night. Obviously I am willing to tell you, or I wouldn't have.
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Date: 2023-04-23 02:55 am (UTC)[ He's not a mess when he's drunk. Kaveh is messy. Cyno isn't messy.
At least he doesn't see himself that way. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 02:58 am (UTC)[ tighnari sighs, rubbing at his stinging eyes, and moves to empty his watering can. his voice is low, soft, tired. ]
I think it's you who doesn't trust me.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:02 am (UTC)[ Cyno frowns at him, he wants to pull him close but something is holding him back, like they wouldn't actually be able to get to the bottom of anything if he goes to comfort him now.
Maybe he doesn't show the same signs of his emotional distress. His eyes don't have any signs of the ache he feels. He doesn't have such expressive ears or a tail to give him away.
But the distress is there, frustration, anger, hurt. Maybe creeping guilt that he isn't ready to acknowledge yet. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:09 am (UTC)[ carefully, he pours the excess water into the sink, if only to have something to do with his hands, to keep from dissolving into tears. ]
Even if you'd been with others before me, it wouldn't matter to me, because I trust you. I love you. I know that none of them would matter.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:13 am (UTC)[ Cyno says sharply because his throat feels a little tight but he hadn't meant for it to come out so sharp either. ]
I love you, Tighnari. I trust you. That and needing to know don't negate each other. I trust very few. Here, there is only you and Collei that I trust completely.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:18 am (UTC)You're making it about me! How is it not about me, when you're making me feel ashamed for daring to have a sex life while you weren't here!
[ tighnari whirls, his cheeks flushed hot, angry, hot tears spilling down his cheeks. he's quick to scrub them away with the end of his sleeve. ]
Your jealousy does not give you the right to get angry with me when I've done nothing wrong.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:21 am (UTC)I'm sorry.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:38 am (UTC)[ he hates that he can't control the tears that stream down his cheeks, no matter how he swipes and scrubs at them, they continue to stream. but he won't let cyno run away from this. it's like they're speaking two different languages, and tighnari doesn't know how to begin addressing this wound between them. ]
Cyno.. please.
[ tighnari crosses the distance, takes hold of cyno's hoodie, buries his face against his shoulder. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:40 am (UTC)I hurt you and so I'm sorry.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:46 am (UTC)Stop. Just stop.
[ he knows what cyno's doing, that he's pulling back, and tighnari won't allow that, won't let him just slip away. burying things is unhealthy, and that's not who they are. it will only cause the wound to fester, and erupt at a later date, with far more force than it currently would. tighnari takes a deep breath, inhaling cyno's scent, allowing it to comfort him. his voice is softer. ]
It's hard not to feel you don't trust me when you accused me of wanting others to touch me. Do you believe me when I tell you that there's no one I care for like I care for you?
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:52 am (UTC)[ Cyno frowns, replaying the conversation as best as he can with his foggy memories. ]
I didn't intend or mean to accuse you of anything...
[ He redirects his statement from his instant instinct to deny it altogether. ]
I trust you, so of course I believe you.
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Date: 2023-04-23 03:59 am (UTC)but they'll salvage it. they must. cyno is his mate, there is no one else for him. lifting his head at last, tighnari sniffs, looking into cyno's face. ]
How can I help you?
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:03 am (UTC)He doesn't even really know what's wrong. How can he know all that he needs to be helped? ]
You could let me kiss Kaveh.
[ Maybe he's just throwing out a dumb suggestion but it's what his brain grabbed on to because he is hung up on Kaveh being one of those six people. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:07 am (UTC)Do you.. want to kiss him?
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:08 am (UTC)He's our friend.
[ He furrows his brow. Help this emotionally stunted insecure man. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:11 am (UTC)Well.. that's up to him, really, isn't it? Not me.
[ he lifts a hand, smoothing the hair back from cyno's eyes, tucking it behind one of his ears. ]
If it makes you feel better.
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:14 am (UTC)[ Cyno lets out a little huff of breath as the other touches him so gently. He still has his arms around him. ]
It's the first thing that came to mind.
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:21 am (UTC)You're my mate. Of course I don't want to share you. I'm capable of jealousy, as well.
[ he nudges their noses together. ]
But I trust you. And I want you to feel better.
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:27 am (UTC)What if we kiss him together? If he's agreeable.
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:32 am (UTC)Well that's certainly an idea.
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:36 am (UTC)[ Cyno says thoughtfully, instead of sharing each other. He sighs, his forehead pressing to Tighnari's again. ]
I think it is harder to let go of that because he's always been our friend.
[ Cyno frowns. He doesn't know how to explain. ]
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:42 am (UTC)[ tighnari wouldn't love the idea of often coming face to face with someone that cyno's slept with, even if it wouldn't get under his skin too badly, but he can understand, to a degree. slipping his arms over cyno's shoulders, tighnari smiles, nudging their noses together again. ]
I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, General Mahamatra.
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:45 am (UTC)He squeezes his arms around Tighnari, flushing a little. ]
What kind of thing?
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Date: 2023-04-23 04:47 am (UTC)[ tighnari flushes hot. ]
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