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[lordjackal]

@cyknows

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[lordjackal]

post network social;

[veardant]

[ morning comes too soon.

tighnari wakes in his conservatory, asleep on the long sofa there, piled with blankets and pillows. his head aches a little and his throat feels dry, but otherwise he's not too hungover. not physically, at least. his heart still aches and his feelings still sting from his confrontation with cyno the previous night.

gods. he's not up to facing that, right now.

curling in on himself, tighnari presses his face into his pillow, his ears folding back against his hair, both hands pressing over his face as he fights the foolish instinct not to cry. ]

[lordjackal]

[ Cyno wakes up and his head is pounding painfully. He feels nauseous and is reminded of why he doesn't drink. His memory is a little blurry of the night before but the feeling of anger at Tighnari is still simmering as he shifts on the couch. There's also that unpleasant feeling still like a lead weight in his stomach.

He eventually gets up, swallowing bile and he goes to the bedroom first but Tighnari's not there. Somehow that just upsets him more and he goes to the bathroom and starts a hot shower where he just sits and waits for his head to stop hurting so bad.

Usually he'd ask Tighnari for a remedy. ]

[veardant]

[ tighnari isn't sure how long he lingers in the conservatory - long enough for his breathing to even out and his stomach to settle. he's miserable, stinging, but he'll have to get up at some point. when he finally forces himself off the sofa and into the cottage, he can hear the shower running upstairs; part of him is surprised that cyno is even still here at all.

his first stop is his home apothecary room, where he mixes up a solution for cyno - one to help his no doubt aching head, another to settle nausea. he moves up to their loft bedroom to get changed into something fresh, and leaves both remedies on the bed for cyno to find, before he's returning downstairs, to the kitchen, to brew some tea.

and then he's back to his conservatory, his tea set upon the table as he begins to tend to his plants. ]

[lordjackal]

[ The water's been cold a while before Cyno finally gets out of the shower. It'd been anything but comfortable. He is accustomed to and prefers heat after all. All the same he dries off and when he comes out and sees the remedies he feels a flare of frustration and love at the same time. He grumbles to himself but he's wise enough to take the remedies before finding a pair of pants and a hoodie to wear since he is still feeling cold to the bones after the shower that had ended up being ice on sun kissed skin.

It'd done nothing to cool off his anger and the hurt...and that still unnamed something he feels about it all.

He eventually makes his way to the only place he figures Tighnari would be. He just stands in the entry silently, leaning against it with his arms crossed. ]

[veardant]

[ this is just about the only thing that could possibly soothe him, even a little bit - working with his plants. one by one he goes through them all, carefully pruning away dead foliage, checking the soil's moisture levels, watering the ones in need. it's cathartic in a way that few things can be. his plants won't be angry with him. they won't be jealous and demanding. they won't make his heart ache.

he hears cyno coming, of course, his soft footfalls arriving in the doorway of the conservatory. tighnari tenses, setting aside his water can, and turns.

he looks abjectly miserable, his eyes reddened and wet, his ears drooped back, his tail lank. he doesn't hesitate. ]

Aki, Hilda, and Kaveh. Is that what you wanted to hear?

[lordjackal]

[ One of those names doesn't ring any bells, Hilda only a little but the third of course rings more than a little bell. His expression doesn't change for a long moment, unhappy with the way Tighnari looks just now. The unknown feeling pushing forward and pushing away the anger again but he doesn't know what to do with hollow weird ache sort of feeling that makes so little sense to him.

His hands tighten curl where they are. ]

Why wouldn't you just tell me when I first asked? Did you not trust me?

[veardant]

[ tighnari glances away, stung once more, and frowns. ]

I wanted to talk at home. Sober. You were a mess, last night. Obviously I am willing to tell you, or I wouldn't have.

[lordjackal]

I wasn't a mess. I just needed you to tell me... What did it matter where we were?

[ He's not a mess when he's drunk. Kaveh is messy. Cyno isn't messy.

At least he doesn't see himself that way. ]

[veardant]

You were angry, and agitated. I didn't want to make it worse. It was a conversation that should have been in private, I don't see how that's so difficult to understand.

[ tighnari sighs, rubbing at his stinging eyes, and moves to empty his watering can. his voice is low, soft, tired. ]

I think it's you who doesn't trust me.

[lordjackal]

How is it that I don't trust you? I haven't kept anything from you, Tighnari. You know everything.

[ Cyno frowns at him, he wants to pull him close but something is holding him back, like they wouldn't actually be able to get to the bottom of anything if he goes to comfort him now.

Maybe he doesn't show the same signs of his emotional distress. His eyes don't have any signs of the ache he feels. He doesn't have such expressive ears or a tail to give him away.

But the distress is there, frustration, anger, hurt. Maybe creeping guilt that he isn't ready to acknowledge yet. ]

[veardant]

If you trusted me, you wouldn't care who I've been with in the past, because you would trust that I'm wholly dedicated to you. You would understand that it shouldn't matter. Why would you be jealous, unless you perceived them as a threat? Why would you be jealous, if you trusted me to never betray you?

[ carefully, he pours the excess water into the sink, if only to have something to do with his hands, to keep from dissolving into tears. ]

Even if you'd been with others before me, it wouldn't matter to me, because I trust you. I love you. I know that none of them would matter.

[lordjackal]

Did you ever think that it wasn't about you?

[ Cyno says sharply because his throat feels a little tight but he hadn't meant for it to come out so sharp either. ]

I love you, Tighnari. I trust you. That and needing to know don't negate each other. I trust very few. Here, there is only you and Collei that I trust completely.

[veardant]

[ cyno's sharp voice has him bristling, and tighnari is quick to grab the edges of the sink, his shoulders hunching. ]

You're making it about me! How is it not about me, when you're making me feel ashamed for daring to have a sex life while you weren't here!

[ tighnari whirls, his cheeks flushed hot, angry, hot tears spilling down his cheeks. he's quick to scrub them away with the end of his sleeve. ]

Your jealousy does not give you the right to get angry with me when I've done nothing wrong.

[lordjackal]

[ Cyno is starting to see that this argument is going to go no where. He can't remember a time with Tighnari where he didn't feel understood. He swallows down the first responses that come to mind, taking time before he finally gives a measured response. ]

I'm sorry.

[veardant]

No, you - you don't get to just.. to just stop -

[ he hates that he can't control the tears that stream down his cheeks, no matter how he swipes and scrubs at them, they continue to stream. but he won't let cyno run away from this. it's like they're speaking two different languages, and tighnari doesn't know how to begin addressing this wound between them. ]

Cyno.. please.

[ tighnari crosses the distance, takes hold of cyno's hoodie, buries his face against his shoulder. ]

[lordjackal]

[ Tighnari crying doesn't help his instinct to shutter his own feelings. He exhales when Tighnari comes close and he wraps his arms around him, holding him close. One hand rubs his back as the other buries into his hair. He swallows heavily. ]

I hurt you and so I'm sorry.

[veardant]

[ tighnari shakes his head, pressing closer. ]

Stop. Just stop.

[ he knows what cyno's doing, that he's pulling back, and tighnari won't allow that, won't let him just slip away. burying things is unhealthy, and that's not who they are. it will only cause the wound to fester, and erupt at a later date, with far more force than it currently would. tighnari takes a deep breath, inhaling cyno's scent, allowing it to comfort him. his voice is softer. ]

It's hard not to feel you don't trust me when you accused me of wanting others to touch me. Do you believe me when I tell you that there's no one I care for like I care for you?

[lordjackal]

I didn't...

[ Cyno frowns, replaying the conversation as best as he can with his foggy memories. ]

I didn't intend or mean to accuse you of anything...

[ He redirects his statement from his instant instinct to deny it altogether. ]

I trust you, so of course I believe you.

[veardant]

[ this is exactly why he wanted to have this conversation sober, so cyno would be lucid enough - both of them lucid enough - to deal with a subject like this. now it's spiraled.

but they'll salvage it. they must. cyno is his mate, there is no one else for him. lifting his head at last, tighnari sniffs, looking into cyno's face. ]

How can I help you?

[lordjackal]

[ Cyno exhales and he presses their foreheads together after meeting Tighnari's eyes briefly. He closes his eyes.

He doesn't even really know what's wrong. How can he know all that he needs to be helped? ]

You could let me kiss Kaveh.

[ Maybe he's just throwing out a dumb suggestion but it's what his brain grabbed on to because he is hung up on Kaveh being one of those six people. ]

[veardant]

[ that's... unexpected. tighnari's brow furrows, and he searches cyno's face. is he.. is this a joke? ]

Do you.. want to kiss him?

[lordjackal]

[ Cyno lifts his head away from the other's and he shakes his head. ]

He's our friend.

[ He furrows his brow. Help this emotionally stunted insecure man. ]

[veardant]

[ cyno is giving some real mixed signals here, but tighnari is determined to fix this, to heal this wound, though he thinks they're already on the way. ]

Well.. that's up to him, really, isn't it? Not me.

[ he lifts a hand, smoothing the hair back from cyno's eyes, tucking it behind one of his ears. ]

If it makes you feel better.

[lordjackal]

It wouldn't if it hurt you.

[ Cyno lets out a little huff of breath as the other touches him so gently. He still has his arms around him. ]

It's the first thing that came to mind.